It was that familiar feeling of wanting to give your whole life to somebody. I had felt it before, once, years ago, And it nearly killed me. You know that feeling of wanting to protect someone and give them every fiber of your being so that they never feel sad, lonely, or in need of anything for the rest of their life? yeah i felt that again. i thought I could never feel like that again. When a woman is falling in love it’s like something beautiful blooms in the pit of Your stomach And all you want to do is nurture. It’s beautiful yes, and it also sucks big elephant dick. Because once that flower has been destroyed by a selfish man-child you never Know if that feeling can ever come back. thats why i dont date much, i know every time you really try and It dies you’re really never the same. So naturally I just said fuck it. Because I realized i do still have the Ability to love in the purest and honest sense of the word, and I’m not ready to fuck that up or risk that, until I meet someone who wants that and is ready for it. that may never come, and im so cool with that, but I will not waste that kind of love. I rather it stay inside of me. I like to waste a lot of things, and that little spark that lives in my soul is not one of them.
People act like not caring is something you should be proud of. Like reaching that point is some kind of medal that you get when you get through shit. People act like not giving a fuck is something good, something that makes them better. They wear it like a badge of honor. Like a trophy. Like its hard or or something. Not giving a fuck is the easiest thing in the world. It’s the easiest thing and the worst thing life does to people. Life hurts people and it hurts people till it can’t hurt them anymore. That’s the last thing and the worst thing it does…
“Have you ever been in love? It makes you so vulnerable. [S]omeone can get inside, mess you up. You build up all these defenses, then one stupid person wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you and your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the mind.
It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain
I hate love.”"
- Kanye West